End of the Year and Start of Something New

I think everyone can agree that 2011 was one hell of a year, both in a good and bad way.  Yes, many important global events shaped the history books like the Arizona shooting, the earthquake and nuclear meltdown in Japan, death of Osama Bin Laden, and the Occupy Wall Street movement. 

But in the end, personally, this year was a whirlwind.  There has been a lot of ups and down in the road from breakups to vacations to fights with family to getting back in the dating game to finding out that my boss is retiring from his tenure in Congress and I will be out of a job in less than 12 months.  Whirlwind, seriously.  (I actually have a few other choice words for this year but will save that for myself.)

At the end of the year, we have a tendency of assessing our lives and the decisions we’ve made over the last year.  We come to terms with some, vow to never do other, and continue to make the ones that make us happy, whatever they may be.  We become closer with people who were only strangers or unknowns a year ago and fall apart from people who thought would always be there for us.  We live, learn, laugh, and love.

I don’t like to be one of those people who thinks that just because it’s the start of a new year, month, week, day, etc, that it’s going to different.  But I think that with the start of a new year, month, week, day, etc, hope for the start of a new job, love, friend, hobby, etc, resonates in people.  New brings new ambition, dreams, and goals.  It brings out optimism in all of us.  It makes us hope for something better and the idea of humanity.

So with this new year I’ve made a few promises, not resolutions…

I promise to do something I love at least once a week, whether that be cooking or baking or going for a long run.

I promise to make a better effort about keeping in touch with my friends that do not live close by.

I promise to find peace and solace within myself.

I promise to do more things for other that are less fortunate by volunteering at Habitat for Humanity and other organizations I agree with.

I promise to work on my relationship with my brother because one day he will be the only family I have.

I promise to not be so bitchy, selfish, shallow, and a liar.

I promise to be a better person then the one I am right now.

And with that, I will end one year and start something new.  Best of luck to all!!

Taken Back

After being in a few break ups, you know when you are starting to get back on your feet and into the single swing.   You start having a spring in your step again, feel okay with everything that occurred, and start to bounce back.  Of course, this takes time, weeks, months, even years.  But every once in a while, right when you think you are getting back to being you instead of we, something happens that takes you back to that place you were right after it all happened, right after it all ended, right after the breakup.

For me, this happened yesterday.  After making plans and having them fall, I was stuck with torturing thoughts about my last relationship.  It’s never easy.  And every one goes through it.  All those “what if’s…” washed over me like a tsunami and took hold.   It’s hard to get out of that hole once it’s been dug but escape does happen.  Friends help and having a cuddly little fur ball like Bailey lick my face makes all my trouble melt.

In the end, break ups are not easy.  It takes time for you to grieve, to heal, and to get to being you.  I’ve been trying to do all this the last few weeks and even though there are bad moments, there are a lot of good ones too.   And it’s the good ones that help to get you through when there are bad one.

Your Heart Will Set You Free…

I think we have all heard cliques like that 234,098,651 times in our lifetimes.  Those tried and true (to an extent) sayings repeated to make you feel better about a situation.  Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t.

The one that has been going for me the last week is “follow your heart.”  Well, I did and it failed.  But even though I followed my heart and the risk I took didn’t pan out the way I thought it would, I can’t beat myself over the head about it.  All I can do is be satisfied with the fact that I gave something (someone) my heart and soul.  I tried my best, did everything I could and even if it wasn’t enough, I can’t blame myself.  All I can do is let go of the pain, anger, frustration, sadness, and hurt. (I’m trying to do this right now.) It won’t be until I’m able to let go of all these feelings, and then some, that I will truly be able to move on.

At one point each and every one of the billions of people on Earth will fall in love.  For some, it will only happen once and they won’t the feeling of heartbreak.  For others, it’s a little bit different.  There will be love and loss.  Eventually love will come out again though.  Maybe for good, maybe not but will all experience it once.

In the end, I decided to follow my heart for the first time in my life.  I can’t be mad at myself for doing that but what do I do now?  All I can do get a little bit stronger because all this is just lessons learned.

The Joys of Dating

About a two weeks ago I joined a dating website.  Why?  A good friend of mine had some success on there.  Two, I have nothing to lose.  Three, meeting new guys in a new city can be a little intimidating.  Any who, since then, I have been on two dates with two different guys.

Lets start out with Guy #1.  He is from New England.  In DC doing an internship while in law school at the SEC so he will only be here through December.  We meet for coffee mid-morning.  He is (a) slightly shorter than me, (b) wearing a sea-foam green slightly see through shirt, (c) with brown penny-loafers.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the preppy guy.  Really I don’t but this guy just wasn’t cutting if for me.  So we sit and talk for about an hour and he offers to walk to me my office a block away.  Nice gesture.  We make plans to meet later to see The Town, movie with Ben Affleck. We meet at the theater, pays for my ticket, and go watch the movie.  Mind you, at this point, I’m not really feeling a love connection but decided to give it another shot.  I had a feeling he was even more awkward than.  My feeling was confirmed during the movie.  During the shooting/action scenes, he would get very giddy and literally rock back and forth in his seat.  Weirdest thing.  Anyways, movie ends, we walk to the metro.  As I’m running to catch my train he gives a very very awkward hug.  I figured that the awkward hug was a sign that “You’re nice but not thanks” but apparently not because he called me the next day to get together during the week. Sorry buddy but I’m going to pass.

Now we go to Guy #2.  Guy #2 had some extra points.  He was from Houston, Aggie family, and good-looking from his profile.  I was excited to meet up with this guy for dinner.  Well it started a bit rocky because he was running late.  Even though I was too, I still wanted him to arrive first.  So I get there and wait about 10 minutes for him.  No big deal really.  He gets there and I figure he’s a little too metro for me.  Like on the questionable side of metro.  Don’t get me wrong, Guy #2 was attractive, super nice guy, but no love connection.

Moral of the story, just because I didn’t have love connections with these guys, doesn’t mean I had bad dates.  They were just weren’t guys I would see again.  Tragic.

That Guilty Feeling…

You know when you do something you aren’t suppose to but you do it anyways and immediately afterwards you feel bad, well that’s how I feel.

The background story: I meet SE some time ago at the bar. We flirted every time we saw each other. But then again, I can be pretty friendly and flirty if I’m drinking. Anyways, we exchanged numbers, went out on a couple of dates, and that was pretty much it. No budding romance or a real connection. Too different. He was conservative, Republican, and a T-shirt Texas fan. All things I am not.

The thing is that even though we knew we weren’t a match we still kept in touch to hang out and such about once a month or so. Wednesday was our monthly hang out day.

I accidentally ended up spending the night. Bad call on my part but I was so tired and knew I would fall asleep at the wheel.

Any who, the next morning I got up and left while he started getting ready for work. As I was driving home I just kept thinking, “Why the f*** do I continue to do this to myself?!?” One, I know we aren’t right for each other. Two, I’m sure he likes me a lot more than I like him. Three, I’m moving in a month. Four, a relationship is the last thing I need right now. Five, I’m just looking for someone to have fun with. Six, I’m not looking for the right man, just a man for right now. As you can see, the list can go on.

I guess the point is that we all have needs. Yes, physiological needs as well. Even though we know we are only FWB, we continue to do it because it’s what is available right now. It’s only for a month then I’m off to the big city where, fingers crossed, my chances and selection of the male counterpart improve.